My 12 Week Ownership Review (As Promised - LONG READ)

[Bugger]

"The one that finally stopped me browsing AutoTrader... for at least a week."​

I don't have any pictures. You've all seen them already.
Besides, the car was detailed recently and, like most black BMWs, currently spends its life oscillating between "concours-ready masterpiece" and "looks like it was cleaned with a rake."
Also, this is a long read. Grab a coffee. Or a beer. I won't judge.
So I'll break this down into a few sections:
This is dangerous territory for someone like me.

Introduction​

I have a problem.
Some people collect stamps. Some people take up cycling and suddenly feel compelled to tell everyone about it. I buy cars.
Lots of cars. If there were a support group for serial automotive poor decisions, I'd probably be chairing the meetings. Since parting ways with my Alpine White E63 M6, I've been searching for something that could recreate that feeling.
You know the feeling.
That inexplicable urge to open the garage just for a quick look.
The unnecessary long route home.
The window glance after parking.
The mild panic when somebody parks too close.
That car had it.
Since then, I've owned:

• Two F10 M5s
• An F10 520d
• An F06 640d Gran Coupé
• An E63 M6 AGAIN
• An F06 M6 Gran Coupé
• A G12 M760Li
• An X4 M40i

And while all were good cars in their own ways, none quite scratched the itch. Well, except perhaps the F06 M6 and the X4 M40i. Did I mention the X4 M40i was one of my favourite BMW ownership experiences ever?
Because it was.
And frankly BMW should send me commission for the amount of free advertising I've given that car. The F10 M5s were brilliant machines. Criminally underrated in my opinion. But they lacked something.
Call it soul.
Call it character.
Call it automotive nonsense. The V10 was always going to be an incredibly hard act to follow.
Whatever it was, they didn't quite have it. Like many of us here, I love mechanical things.
I love feeling connected to a machine rather than simply being its operator. Unfortunately the modern industry has largely moved on from that idea.
Today we get touchscreens, haptic buttons, lane departure warnings, collision avoidance systems, pedestrian detection, squirrel recognition and enough computing power to launch a moon mission.
Yet somehow we've lost some of the magic. Modern cars are often objectively better. They're just not always more enjoyable.
And while manufacturers continue their relentless march toward electrification and autonomy, most of us are still here for one simple reason:
We like driving.
Not commuting.
Not travelling.
Driving.
The distinction matters.

The Mistakes That Led Me Here​

I made two automotive decisions that I genuinely regret.
Selling my E63 M6.
Selling my F06 M6.
The E63 hurt.
The F06 hurt even more.
The F06 left because my wife found the seats uncomfortable, which is entirely reasonable.
I, meanwhile, found replacing it with a V12-powered M760Li reasonable.
As it turns out, only one of us was being sensible.
On paper the M760 sounded fantastic.
Six hundred horsepower.
Twin-turbo V12.
Flagship luxury.
In reality it spent so much time at BMW Midrand that I considered claiming frequent-flyer miles.
When it wasn't there, it was drinking fuel at roughly 19 litres per hundred kilometres, a rate normally associated with offshore drilling operations.
The engine was magnificent.
Everything attached to the engine was considerably less magnificent.
The moment maintenance plan coverage ended, my relationship with the car became remarkably brief.
And so I eventually landed in an X4 M40i, followed by a G30 M550i.
The M550i is a fantastic car.
Fast.
Subtle.
Comfortable.
Capable.
It is probably one of the most complete cars BMW has ever built. The problem? I respected it. I never truly loved it.There's a difference.
The M550i is like dating somebody who ticks every box but never gives you butterflies.
You know it makes sense. You just keep finding yourself looking at AutoTrader at 11pm.
Not that I've ever done that.
Today.

 

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Enter The M850i​

The funny thing is that I was never completely sold on the 8 Series. Some angles looked fantastic. Others looked like the designer accidentally dragged part of the drawing with his mouse and nobody had the courage to challenge him. The coupé especially never quite landed with me. Then BMW released the Gran Coupé.
Suddenly it made sense.
The proportions worked.
The stance worked.
The presence worked.
Most importantly, it looked special. And that's increasingly rare.
There had actually been an M850i sitting at BMW Bedfordview when I bought the M550i, and I've regretted not driving it ever since.
So when this particular Black Sapphire example appeared on AutoTrader with the mileage, specification and price all sitting in the sweet spot, I made what can only be described as a thoroughly mature and carefully researched decision.
I bought it almost immediately.

The Driving Experience​

This is where the M850i starts making absolutely no sense whatsoever. On paper, it's a ludicrous thing. It's five metres long. It weighs north of two tonnes.
It's packed with luxury equipment, active systems, sound insulation and enough technology to make a NASA intern nervous.
Yet somehow, the first thing that strikes you when you drive it isn't the size.
It's the complete absence of it. The car simply shrinks around you.
I don't know how BMW's engineers achieved it. Witchcraft seems the most likely explanation.
At low speed, thanks to the active integral steering, it pivots and rotates in a way that no car this size has any business doing. Multi-storey car parks, shopping centre parking bays and drive-through queues suddenly become far less stressful than they have any right to be.
The first few days are genuinely confusing. You know the car is enormous. You can physically see that it's enormous. Yet your brain keeps filing it under "large hatchback".
It's like discovering a hippopotamus can do ballet.

Then there's the steering. Many reviewers have criticised modern BMW steering for being numb.
Perhaps they've become so accustomed to driving 911 GT3s through Alpine passes that they've forgotten what the rest of us experience.
Personally, I think the criticism is overplayed.
Is it hydraulic E39 M5 steering?
No.
Nothing is.
But there is enough communication flowing through the wheel to tell you exactly what the front end is doing, and more importantly, enough precision to place the car exactly where you want it. The nose goes where you point it.
Immediately.
No hesitation.
No floatiness.
No sense of mass resisting direction changes. Just an eagerness that catches you off guard every single time.

What impresses me most is how cohesive the whole package feels. Many modern performance cars feel like collections of systems.
You can sense the software making decisions. The computers intervening. The electronics tidying things up behind the scenes. The M850i somehow disguises all of this.
Everything blends together.
The engine.
The gearbox.
The chassis.
The steering.
The xDrive system.
It doesn't feel like separate components talking to one another over WiFi. It feels like one machine.
A very fast machine.

And then there's the engine.
Good grief.
The engine.
The N63 has spent most of its life carrying the automotive equivalent of a criminal record.Some of the early versions were about as trustworthy as a politician during election season. But the TU3 version found in the M850i feels like BMW finally got tired of apologising and decided to build the thing properly.
Because it is magnificent.There is torque everywhere.
Not some.
Not enough.
Everywhere.
You don't chase power.
You don't wait for boost.
You don't need to drop three gears and perform an ancient ritual involving the gear selector. You simply squeeze the throttle.
Any throttle.
Anywhere.
And the horizon starts arriving much more quickly than expected.

The way it delivers its performance is what makes it special.
An M car tends to feel like it's constantly trying to start a fight.
The M850i doesn't.
The M850i feels more sophisticated than that.
It's not pacing around the room looking for trouble.
It's sitting quietly in the corner wearing a tailored suit and an expensive watch.
But if trouble arrives, it will absolutely rearrange the furniture.

In Comfort mode it's almost ridiculously civilised. The gearbox fades into the background. The suspension settles. The exhaust quietens.
Road noise all but disappears.
You can spend hours behind the wheel without any fatigue whatsoever. It's a genuine grand tourer.
The sort of car that could leave Johannesburg after breakfast and arrive in Cape Town asking where the rest of the journey is.
The seats deserve a mention here too.
BMW has finally remembered that not every performance car owner needs to be surgically attached to the driver's seat.
They're supportive when you're enthusiastic and comfortable when you're not.
A novel concept these days.

Then you press the Sport button.
And the car remembers what it is.
The exhaust clears its throat.
The steering gains weight.
The gearbox becomes alert.
The suspension tightens just enough.
It's like waking up a sleeping guard dog.
Nothing dramatic initially.
Just a subtle shift in mood.
A warning.

Sport Plus is where things become slightly unhinged.
Now the big Gran Coupé begins to disguise itself as something much smaller and much angrier.
The throttle becomes instant.
The gearbox starts reading your thoughts.
The engine responds with such enthusiasm that overtaking manoeuvres become less of a decision and more of a sneeze.
You think about passing traffic and suddenly you're three cars ahead wondering where everybody went.

The sound deserves its own chapter.
BMW V8s have always sounded good.
This one sounds expensive.
There's a richness to it.
A depth.
At idle, it burbles quietly to itself like it's plotting something.
Under acceleration it develops a deep, metallic snarl that sounds far more AMG than BMW.
Then, as you lift off, it crackles and mutters under its breath.
Not obnoxiously.
Not theatrically.
Just enough to remind you that beneath the luxury and technology sits a twin-turbo V8 with deeply questionable intentions.
Every tunnel becomes mandatory.
Every underpass becomes an event.
Every open window becomes an opportunity.
At 49 years old, I should probably be more mature than this.
I'm not.

What perhaps surprises me most is how complete the experience feels.
A lot of modern performance cars excel in one area while compromising another.
Some are fantastically fast but emotionally sterile.
Others are engaging but exhausting.
Some are luxurious but disconnected.
The M850i somehow manages to occupy all these spaces simultaneously.
It can be a luxury car.
It can be a GT.
It can be a sports saloon.
It can be an Autobahn missile.
It can even pretend to be sensible when required.
The reality is that it's none of those things individually.
It's all of them together.
And that's why, twelve weeks later, I still find excuses to drive it.
Even if it's just to buy milk.
Which has become a remarkably expensive activity. 🚗💨🍺

​

 

[Bugger]

The Quality​

This is perhaps the easiest section of the entire review to write.
The M850i feels expensive.
Not "German premium" expensive.
Not "fully-specced executive sedan" expensive.
Actually expensive.
The sort of expensive where you begin to understand why the original owner spent the better part of two million Rand on one and probably told nobody except their accountant.
There are very few cars where you climb in and immediately understand the price tag.
This is one of them.

BMW likes to describe the 8 Series as the flagship of its conventional range.
Normally that's marketing nonsense.
A phrase dreamt up by somebody in a meeting room wearing very white sneakers.
In this case, though, it feels justified.
Everything you touch feels substantial.
Everything feels engineered.
Everything feels like somebody spent an unreasonable amount of time obsessing over details that most owners will never consciously notice.
Yet somehow those details matter.

Take the seats.
Merino leather is one of those things that sounds like an item on a wine list until you've lived with it.
Then you realise just how much nicer it is than Dakota leather.
The difference is remarkable.
Dakota always feels durable.
Merino feels luxurious.
It's softer.
Richer.
More pliable.
The kind of leather that makes you absent-mindedly rub your hand across it while sitting at a traffic light.
Which probably looks odd to passers-by but I don't care.
I paid for the car.
I'll stroke the seats if I want to.

The dashboard deserves similar praise.
The entire upper structure is wrapped in leather, stitched beautifully and presented in a way that avoids looking ostentatious.
This is where BMW struck the balance perfectly.
Some luxury vehicles try too hard.
They throw chrome, lacquer, wood and shiny surfaces at every available space until the interior resembles an upmarket casino.
The M850i doesn't do that.
It's confident enough not to.
Like someone who is genuinely wealthy, it doesn't constantly need to remind you. Which, by the way, I am not genuinely wealthy, more inclined to get myself into untold amounts of debt to enjoy my car!

One of my favourite things is actually the absence of things.
Specifically Piano Black trim.
The original owner deserves a medal.
Or a tax rebate.
Or at the very least a firm handshake.
Because Piano Black is one of the great crimes of modern automotive interior design.
It looks magnificent for approximately seventeen minutes after delivery.
Thereafter it becomes a highly detailed forensic record of every fingerprint, dust particle, sneeze and poor life choice you've ever made.
Thankfully the brushed aluminium trim in this car avoids all of that.
It looks classy.
It feels premium.
And it doesn't require intensive psychological counselling every time sunlight hits it.

Then there are the buttons.
Yes.
Buttons.
Actual physical buttons.
Beautiful brushed aluminium buttons.
You press them and things happen.
Instantly.
No submenus.
No swiping.
No haptic nonsense.
No software update required.
Just simple mechanical interaction.
It's sad that this now feels worthy of praise, but here we are.
The automotive industry has somehow convinced itself that replacing a button with three touchscreen menus is progress.
BMW hadn't completely lost its mind when this car was built.

Even the parts you interact with only occasionally have a sense of occasion about them.
The door handles.
The window switches.
The iDrive controller.
The crystal gear selector.
Even the cupholder lid opens and closes with a beautifully engineered mechanical action.
The sort of thing nobody mentions in a brochure yet somehow becomes one of the things you appreciate most.
It's evidence that somebody cared.

What continually impresses me is how solid everything feels.
There are no squeaks.
No rattles.
No questioning sounds from hidden trim panels whenever the road surface deteriorates.
The car feels hewn from a single block of expensive Bavarian stubbornness.
You shut the door and there is a deep, reassuring thud.
Not a clang.
Not a tinny metallic closure.
A thud.
The kind that immediately informs you that whatever lives outside the car is somebody else's problem.

The Bowers & Wilkins system deserves special mention.
Now I'm not an audiophile.
I couldn't explain frequency response curves or acoustic dampening if my life depended on it.
But I do know what sounds good.
And this sounds spectacular.
The illuminated speaker grilles alone are enough to make you stare at the dashboard like a child in a toy shop.
At night, with the ambient lighting glowing softly around the cabin and a decent playlist flowing through 1,400 watts of audio wizardry, the interior feels less like a car and more like a luxury lounge with surprisingly aggressive performance credentials.

What perhaps surprises me most is that none of the quality feels superficial.
Many luxury cars impress during the first week.
Then you start noticing shortcuts.
Hard plastics.
Cost-cutting.
The occasional reminder that accountants were involved.
The M850i genuinely feels like BMW started with an uncompromising brief and only involved the accountants near the end.
The result is a cabin that still feels special every single time you get into it.

And ultimately that's the highest compliment I can pay it.
Twelve weeks in, the novelty hasn't worn off.
I still pause before getting out.
I still look around the cabin.
I still appreciate the stitching, the lighting, the materials and the sheer sense of occasion.
Every car should make you want to drive it.
Very few make you want to sit in it after you've arrived.
The M850i does both.
And that's why, for the first time in a very long time, I understand why BMW called it the flagship.
Because every time you climb inside, it quietly reminds you.

​

 

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The Tech​

Now, let's talk about technology.
This is usually the section where I roll my eyes, mutter something about "too many screens" and start reminiscing about the days when a car stereo required exactly three functions:

• On
• Off
• Loud

Yet somehow BMW managed to strike a balance with the M850i that many manufacturers still struggle to achieve.
For all its technology, the car never feels technological.
That's a difficult thing to explain.
It doesn't dominate the experience.
It enhances it.
And there's a very important difference.

iDrive 7 – The Last Great BMW System?​

I genuinely believe iDrive 7 might be the sweet spot.
It's intuitive.
It's fast.
It's responsive.
Most importantly, it doesn't make you angry.
Which should not be a compliment, but given the state of modern infotainment systems, here we are.
The 10.25-inch display is the perfect size.
And yes, I know bigger screens are fashionable nowadays.
Manufacturers are engaged in an arms race to see who can fit the largest television into a dashboard.
Soon somebody is going to install a 75-inch OLED and call it innovation.
But the M850i's screen fits beautifully into the dashboard architecture.
It complements the interior rather than dominating it.
The dashboard remains the star of the show.
The screen simply supports it.
As a result, the cabin feels timeless rather than trendy.
A subtle distinction perhaps, but an important one.

The Controller That Refuses To Die​

One thing I absolutely love is that BMW still gave you the iDrive controller.
The rotary wheel remains, in my opinion, one of the greatest automotive inventions of the modern era.
Because while touchscreens are wonderful when you're sitting still, they're substantially less wonderful when you're trying to adjust navigation while avoiding a pothole large enough to register as a geological feature.
The controller falls naturally to hand.
The menus make sense.
The shortcut buttons are excellent.
And after a couple of weeks, operating the system becomes second nature.
You barely have to look at the screen.
The muscle memory takes over.
It's one of those features you don't appreciate until you've owned a car without it.

Apple CarPlay & Daily Living​

Wireless Apple CarPlay works brilliantly.
No cables.
No plugging things in.
No swearing because your phone has decided today's charging cable is no longer acceptable.
You get in.
The phone connects.
Music starts.
Life continues.
Frankly, this is exactly how technology should work.
Invisible.
Reliable.
Effortless.
The M850i excels at this.

The Digital Instrument Cluster​

Now, I'll be fair.
This isn't perfect.
For a car that was BMW's flagship GT and carried a price tag capable of inducing mild chest pains, the digital cluster always felt a little... ordinary.
It's functional.
It's clear.
It gives you everything you need.
Navigation between the dials is genuinely useful and something I find myself using far more often than I'd care to admit.
But it doesn't feel particularly special.
The same basic architecture appeared throughout the range, from considerably more affordable BMWs.
And that's perhaps the one area where I think Munich could have pushed a little harder.
When you've spent M850i money, you occasionally want to be reminded of it.

Ambient Lighting – The Unsung Hero​

Now we get to one of my favourite parts of the entire car.
The ambient lighting.
And before anyone accuses me of getting old and boring, hear me out.
At night, this interior transforms.
The flowing light strips running through the dashboard, centre console and doors don't scream for attention.
They simply accentuate all the design elements that are already there.
The cascading centre console suddenly stands out.
The shapes of the dashboard become more dramatic.
The contours of the doors come alive.
Everything feels richer.
More expensive.
More deliberate.
And because BMW exercised admirable restraint, it never feels like you've wandered into a nightclub in Sandton at midnight.
The lighting is elegant.
Sophisticated.
Tasteful.
The sort of lighting that wears a tailored suit rather than a sequinned shirt.

Bowers & Wilkins: Rolling Concert Hall​

Speaking of night-time driving.
The Bowers & Wilkins system is outrageous.
Sixteen speakers.
1,400 watts.
Diamond tweeters.
I'm not nearly enough of an audiophile to explain how any of that works.
What I do know is that every journey suddenly becomes significantly longer than necessary.
Songs you've heard a thousand times reveal instruments you never knew existed.
Podcasts sound like the host is sitting in the passenger seat.
The system is crisp, powerful and ridiculously immersive.
But what truly steals the show are those illuminated metal speaker grilles.
At night they glow softly alongside the ambient lighting, creating an atmosphere that feels more luxury lounge than luxury car.
If BMW had installed a whisky cabinet where the rear armrest lives, the transformation would have been complete.

Gesture Control: Gimmick Or Genius?​

When I first encountered gesture control, I dismissed it immediately.
A gimmick.
A party trick.
Something created by a marketing department after too much coffee.
And yet...
Twelve weeks later I catch myself using it all the time.
Adjusting volume with a finger twirl.
Skipping tracks with a wave.
It's completely unnecessary.
I fully acknowledge this.
But it's also surprisingly intuitive.
Like heated steering wheels, you spend years laughing at it and then suddenly find yourself unable to live without it.

Driver Assistance Systems​

The active cruise control is genuinely impressive.
It manages traffic effortlessly.
Maintains distance.
Brakes smoothly.
Accelerates naturally.
And in heavy traffic it takes an enormous amount of stress out of driving.
The semi-autonomous functions remain deeply impressive, even today.
Although, being German, the car becomes spectacularly offended if it feels you're not paying attention.
Leave your hands off the wheel for too long and it begins issuing warnings with the stern disapproval of a high school principal.
You can almost hear it saying:
"Herr Bugger, zis was not ze agreement."

The Lights​

The Laser Lights deserve a section of their own.
They're simply phenomenal.
I've owned plenty of cars with good headlights.
These feel like they were borrowed from a military development programme.
The spread is exceptional.
The reach is incredible.
Corner illumination works brilliantly.
The adaptive high beams might actually be one of the smartest implementations of lighting technology I've experienced.
You stop driving into darkness and start driving with confidence.
Which is particularly useful given how many things in South Africa seem determined to wander into roads after sunset.

Final Thoughts On The Tech​

What impresses me most is that none of the technology feels intrusive.
The M850i never feels like a computer masquerading as a car.
It still feels like a car first.
A very good one.
The technology simply works quietly in the background, making the experience better without constantly demanding attention.
And perhaps that's the greatest compliment I can pay it.
Because the best technology isn't the technology you notice.
It's the technology you forget is there.
Until you get into something else and suddenly realise how spoiled you've become. 🚗💡🎵

​

 

[Bugger]

M550i vs M850i – Head vs Heart​

The comparison you've been waiting for....
Having owned both back-to-back puts me in a fairly unique position because on paper there shouldn't be a massive difference.
In reality there is.
A surprisingly large one.
The funny thing is that if somebody asked me which car they should buy without driving either, I'd probably tell them to buy the M550i.
If somebody asked me which one I'd keep?
I'd point at the M850i before they'd even finished the question.
That's because the two cars appeal to completely different parts of your brain.

Performance​

Let's get the obvious bit out of the way.
Both are outrageously fast.
Ridiculously fast.
The sort of fast that would've embarrassed genuine supercars not that long ago.
Both use the N63TU3 V8.
Both produce essentially the same power.
Both have xDrive.
Both have the 8-speed ZF gearbox.
Both launch with all the subtlety of a cruise missile.
If you're expecting one to utterly dominate the other in a straight line, you're probably going to be disappointed.
The M850i feels quicker.
Whether it actually is or not is another discussion entirely.
But it feels quicker.
The driving position is lower.
The cabin wraps around you more tightly.
The exhaust is more theatrical.
The whole experience feels more dramatic.
Everything happens with a little more occasion.
The M550i simply gets on with the job.
The M850i makes sure you remember it happened.

Ride and Comfort​

This is where things become interesting.
Because logic says the 5 Series should be the more comfortable car.
And yet I don't think it is.
At least not significantly.
The M550i is comfortable.
Very comfortable.
But it always feels like a sporting executive sedan.
A luxury car that's trying to be sporty.
The M850i feels like a grand tourer first.
The suspension tuning seems more mature somehow.
More resolved.
More expensive.
It absorbs poor road surfaces with a calmness that continually surprises me given the wheel size and performance credentials.
If I had to drive from Johannesburg to Cape Town tomorrow, I'd choose the M850i without hesitation.
And I'd probably arrive feeling fresher too.

Steering and Handling​

This is where the gap starts to widen.
The M550i is a capable handler.
It's composed.
Predictable.
Neutral.
Very confidence inspiring.
The M850i feels alive.
The active integral steering plays a massive role here.
The car feels smaller.
Sharper.
More agile.
More willing.
You become far more aware of the chassis working beneath you.
For a car its size it genuinely borders on witchcraft.
Every time I drive it with any enthusiasm I come away wondering how something this large changes direction so eagerly.
The M550i never quite managed that.
It impressed me.
The M850i surprises me.
There's a difference.

Interior Quality​

This is probably the M850i's biggest win.
And it's not even particularly close.
The M550i has a lovely interior.
By almost any normal standard it's excellent.
But once you've spent time in the 8 Series you begin to understand where BMW spent the extra money.
The Merino leather.
The dashboard treatment.
The trim finishes.
The architecture.
The ambient lighting.
The Bowers & Wilkins system.
The framing of the cockpit.
Everything simply feels more bespoke.
More considered.
More special.
The M550i feels like a very nice BMW.
The M850i feels like BMW's designers were allowed one project where finance wasn't looking over their shoulder.

Presence​

Now we're getting into the irrational stuff.
Because presence can't be measured.
There's no specification sheet for it.
No dyno graph.
No performance figure.
Yet it's important.
Very important.
The M550i is understated.
Most people don't know what it is.
Some don't even realise it's anything special.
And I actually respect that.
The wolf-in-sheep's-clothing approach has always appealed to me.
The problem is that the M550i occasionally disappears into traffic.
The M850i doesn't.
It has presence.
It sits lower.
Looks wider.
Appears more exotic.
People notice it.
People ask questions.
People move out of the fast lane.
Even parked, it has an occasion about it.
Every time I walk away from the 8, I turn around for one last look.
I didn't often do that with the 550.

Technology​

Surprisingly little separates them here.
Both have iDrive 7.
Both have excellent driver assistance systems.
Both have digital instrumentation.
Both have active cruise control.
Both have enough technology to satisfy all but the most demanding gadget addict.
The difference is in the presentation.
Everything feels more integrated in the 8 Series.
The ambient lighting is better.
The interior design showcases the technology better.
The Bowers & Wilkins system elevates the whole experience.
The 550's technology feels functional.
The 850's technology feels luxurious.

---

Value for Money​

This is where the M550i swings a massive punch.
And it lands.
Hard.
Because if we're being objective, the M550i is probably one of the greatest bargains BMW has produced in recent years.
You get essentially the same powertrain.
Similar performance.
Four doors.
A huge boot.
More practicality.
Lower purchase price.
Lower replacement costs.
And generally less attention.
If all you care about is speed and value, buy the M550i.
Seriously.
It's phenomenal.

So Why The M850i?​

This is where objectivity goes out the window.
Because cars aren't appliances.
At least not to people like us.
They're emotional purchases.
They're irrational purchases.
Nobody needs an M850i.
In exactly the same way nobody needs a mechanical watch.
Or a great bottle of whisky.
Or a V8.
Yet here we are.
The M850i feels special every single time.
Every drive feels like an occasion.
Every glance over your shoulder confirms you bought it for the right reasons.
It manages to be luxurious without feeling detached, fast without feeling aggressive, and technological without feeling overwhelming.
Most importantly, it has character.
And character is becoming an increasingly rare thing in modern cars.

The Verdict​

If my accountant were choosing?
He'd buy the M550i.
If my head were choosing?
It would probably buy the M550i too.
It's the rational choice.
The sensible choice.
The value-for-money choice.
But every time I open the garage and see the Black Sapphire M850i sitting there, low, wide and quietly menacing, I'm reminded that I didn't buy a car with my head.
I bought it with my heart.
And for the first time since my E63 M6, I think my heart may actually have got it right. 🏁🍻🚗

 

[Bugger]

Twelve Weeks Later?​

I have absolutely no regrets.
Which is deeply concerning.
Because usually by now I've already convinced myself that I need something else.
An E60 M5.
Another E63 M6.
A Range Rover. (No Benji NO!)
A Discovery.
A yacht.
Whatever happened to be on AutoTrader that week.
Yet somehow the M850i has managed something very few cars have.
It has quietened the noise.
And that's perhaps the highest compliment I can give it.

Twelve weeks later, I still find excuses to drive it.
I still turn around and look at it when I park.
I still find myself opening the garage door just to admire it.
That's usually the sign of a good car.
The remarkable thing about the M850i Gran Coupe is that on paper it shouldn't work. It's too big to be sporty. Too sporty to be luxurious. Too luxurious to be a driver's car. Too complicated to have any soul.
Yet somehow it manages all of it.
It can waft like a 7 Series, embarrass sports cars at traffic lights, devour highways like a GT and still make you feel special every time you slide into the driver's seat.
More importantly, it's the first car since my E63 M6 that has made me fall a little bit in love again.
For a serial car-shuffler like me, that might be the biggest compliment of all.
God help my bank account if another one ever appears on AutoTrader.

 

[Nishcat_M140i]

Great comparison between the 2 Morgs. Think you've finally found the car that fills a void since your last E63 M6.

With that said though, and I know I'm once again playing devil's advocate, but since E63 M6s haven't appreciated to catastrophic prices like E46s, E39s (yet), I don't think it would hurt to have both, the M850 and an M6 V10 next to each other in the garage at some stage. 850 for everday driving, M6 for weekends / occasional drives.

I can tell it was a very special car in your life, hence why you owned not 1 but 2 of them.

 

[DHimself]

This reads like poetry...hahaha got lost in the story

 

[CK4LIFE]

I thought you were kidding about grabbing coffee, had to grab something stronger for this, but great write up👌

 

[Kish2604]

Thank you for the time it took to translate your thoughts and emotions into an enjoyable short story read! when a car finally plugs a hole in your soul it is worthy of a write up on this level!

 

[PsyCLown]

The wait has been worthwhile!

Lovely 12 week ownership review. Interesting comparing the two, I would not have expected as much of a difference as you have described.

 

[Bugger]

The wait has been worthwhile!

Lovely 12 week ownership review. Interesting comparing the two, I would not have expected as much of a difference as you have described.

It may be a personally perceived difference to be honest with you, and I don't think that there is much of a difference in a real world scenario, but where I felt the 550 was really let down is that what the 850 got mostly standard (the Merino leather as an example) were all check box extras on the 550, including the integral steering. I suspect that once you ticked all those boxes you were getting pretty close to M5 money and original owners weren't prepared to go to that extreme. Not taking anything away from what the 550 is though, it's still a great car, just wasn't for me I guess!

Great comparison between the 2 Morgs. Think you've finally found the car that fills a void since your last E63 M6.

With that said though, and I know I'm once again playing devil's advocate, but since E63 M6s haven't appreciated to catastrophic prices like E46s, E39s (yet), I don't think it would hurt to have both, the M850 and an M6 V10 next to each other in the garage at some stage. 850 for everday driving, M6 for weekends / occasional drives.

I can tell it was a very special car in your life, hence why you owned not 1 but 2 of them.

Thanks Nish. It definitely feels like it's filling a massive void, and my wife hasn't complained about it once. Other than the fact I won't let her vape in the car. At some point I'd like to investigate another V10, but for now, space constraints aside, it's going to have to wait unfortunately. Every time I see someone post pics or a story on here of an M6, I get a little glum!

This reads like poetry...hahaha got lost in the story

I hope your coffee wasn't cold by the end 🙈

I thought you were kidding about grabbing coffee, had to grab something stronger for this, but great write up👌

Like I said, no judgement 🤭

Thank you for the time it took to translate your thoughts and emotions into an enjoyable short story read! when a car finally plugs a hole in your soul it is worthy of a write up on this level!

It started off as a 4 week review, then went to a 6 week review, and has been sitting for another 6 weeks to be finished. But I think I got the message across! Thankfully 🙈

 

[Mytfine]

Wow what a read, makes me want ti actually go and drive one.

And off topic, I miss this type of editorial from Car magazine. Now its just marketing drivel.

 

[Sibonelo]

man is a wordsmith! brilliant write up sir brilliant

 

[NWZ333]

I think I have fallen for this car after a write up like that… Glad you are happy with your purchase! Wishing you many more happy miles!

 

[FiRi@Rennzport]

And this write-up/review takes you back 20 years, when automotive journalism was a real thing and not the nonsense it is today.

Thank you for taking the time to pen it down, truly a wonderful read. May she continue to bring smiles and butterflies to your stomach. (The wife and the 850i)

Amen

Sent from my MBH-N49 using Tapatalk

 

[Benji]

Did this take 3 months because it took you 2 months to write this review? Excellent morning read and now I need another coffee...

Is it hydraulic E39 M5 steering?
No.
Nothing is.

Actually, the E39 M5 steering was one of its weak points as it has an old school steering box. The difference between a E46 with a proper rack and E39 with its box is shocking, especially when you drive the 2 back-to-back

A Range Rover. (No Benji NO!)

Secondly, yes, YES. Now that you've stopped faffing about writing poetry to a car, you can get on with the important task of re-writing your algorithm to find a cheap and problematic Range Rover

 

[MR_Y]

@Bugger glad that you finally found a keeper.

 

[husaindindar]

Yoh

Time well spend on the bog.
I can't feel my legs now....

Best morning dump I've ever had lol.